Lust: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I appreciate you responding at such short notice.  As a Capital Sin, I'm not much on Patience - that's more in the Virtues' line. (laughter)
 
I'm here to answer certain libelous accusations the 12 Step fellowship, Sexaholics Anonymous, has been leveling against me.  These people have been speaking and writing about me as though I were destructive.  This hurts me.  That they are all clients of mine is shocking, and that some of them continue to use my services is hypocritical.
 
Like all Vices, I'm in the business of making people happy, and like all Vices, I have never forced my services on anybody.  By the Freedom of Intellect and Will Act of Eden, I'm able to advertise internally in human minds and bodies.  That's my right and the right of all Vices, as well as Virtues.  If Virtues have always lagged behind Vices in terms of sales, it's the fault of their terrible marketing and inferior products.
 
I'll now open the floor to questions.  Yes, Roberta...
 
Roberta: Some sexaholics claim you began advertising to them at an especially young and vulnerable age, however - sometimes as young as four or five.
 
Lust: Breakfast cereals aggressively advertise to the same age bracket, and many in the medical community would say they're unhealthier for youngsters than I am.  Honey Nut Cheerios, now there's an addictive substance. (laughter)
 
Roberta: Yes, but advertising sex to youngsters...
 
Lust: Roberta, I'm not Sex.  You're talking about a different thing.  In fact, that's one shared belief between sexaholics and myself.  A sexaholic can use one of my products and still be sober, so long as they don't have sex.  Honestly, that's the only way I can see of staying sober if you're abstaining from sex. (laughter)  Next question.  Thomas...
 
Thomas:  But wouldn't you agree "Lust" has an unsavory connotation?
 
Lust: I used to worry about that, Thomas.  Some of you will remember how I sued Charity in the 1960's and won joint ownership of the name "Love."  But I think you'll find the culture is changing.  "Pride" is becoming less stigmatized.  As for me, many of my clients like my name as it is.  My clients want Lust, though some prefer "Love" on the label.
 
I'll give you an example.  One of my clients came to me after college and said, "I've been using you for years, but what I've really been looking for is Love."  I had no hesitation at all, thanked the person for past business and was only too happy to make a referral to the Virtue of Love.  Love very quickly provided the person with an honorable, affectionate, and devoted partner.  A few months later, the client came back saying, "I've been living with a warm, committed, loving partner for some time now... and I can't stand it!!!"  I knew exactly what they meant and they're now a regular customer of mine once again.  I'll put my products up against Love's any old day of the week, Thomas.
 
Thomas: That's unromantic, though, don't you think?  What about Love?
 
Lust: I've done my best to help Love.  I've told it for millennia that investors want low-cost, short-term solutions not high-cost, long-term commitments.  They prefer excitement to contentment.  Of course, Love didn't take my advice and who reported record losses for the nth straight quarter last month?  Next question.  In the back, Lori...
 
Lori: You're starting to sound an awful lot like Greed, aren't you?
 
Lust: (sips water) We do business together, but I'm not in it for the money, Lori; you know that.  For years I've offered my incredible no-cost product "Fantasy."  Subscribers have unlimited access to infinite scenarios of their own making absolutely free.  Some people feel better paying and I'm happy to serve them as well.
 
That's all the time I have for questions.  Thank you.  Remember, "Hate the sinner, love the sin."